Jesse Santoyo

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Took some time, (brief) time, to think, reflect and realize I am recovering…From what? From living a life that wasn’t. From being a person I wasn’t. Wanting something so fake.  It’s easy to fall in the trend of being this superficial god freak. Define “god freak”

Well…It’s having priorities mixed up side down, and everything except what really matters becomes a god. I realized I am flesh and bone and have no super powers what so ever. I realized that there is nothing I can do to convince God I am great. I am great in his eyes no matter what. Grace is amazing! Though I walk with my chest and chin up, inside I am afraid. Afraid of what? Afraid of becoming and afraid of being everything, but what is right… Not being the best husband I can be, not being the role model Father figure I should be,not being a strong front-man and leader, not being a true friend. Walking in shoes that don’t fit me (not literally), lying so much you believe it yourself to be true. Thinking that if I do this, God will do this… Just living straight BS! to get an applause, a reward, another blog review, public status and recognition… Being afraid of failing at the things I am so passionate about. Afraid of losing all hope in the midst of chaos. Afraid of being me and sharing who I am working to be.

You see, I tip my hat to all those who can sit on their chairs with championship belts of being perfect and without stain. I applaud all who have never fumbled the winning pass. I step back in the presence of those who’ve have been “good” their whole lives…I am sorry, but it’s not my story.  I am just a broken dude, trying to live the best life I possibly can, love my amazing wife  with all I’ve got, Love and lead my boys on their journey, and hope God’s reflection is in all that  I do.  All  in hopes that the day I leave this earth, the maker looks at me and says he’s proud of me, and that my wife my kids and their kids can say ” He lived it up and was Faithful”.  This is a breathe of fresh air, this is my journey towards Redemption. This is me. I am not who I should be, I am still not where I wanna be, but I sure as hell ain’t who I used to be…To all those who’ve embraced my flaws, mishaps and scars…thanks for being family and never changing. Thanks for keeping it real. And so the story continues. I feel recharged, I feel inspired, I feel so alive.. BUENO, VAMOS!!!!

“hasta la victoria siempre”…

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I think it’s really important sometimes to just disconnect and re-charge.  When there are great opportunities and challenges in your forecast it’s important to just sit back, relax, breath in and go full force. We’re excited for the future, cause we’re confident in the decisions we are making now. If you don’t know how to live now, how can you expect something great in your future?

Many times I’ll just sit around the house with Diego and begin to dream for him. I see the potential he has now as a child, and how that will grow into more. Or how he jams out to the songs I sing as if they were the greatest tunes ever written! Everyday I sit here in our apartment and look around at all the cool stuff Reina is designing and making, and see potential for greatness in her. Zion is only 7 months and I can see the great things in store for his future.  The things we dream and foresee may not be here now, but we’re living as they are and they are on their way.

I’ll pace back and forth at the apartment with song ideas, film ideas, book ideas and try to fit them all into a piece of paper. LOL. I see potential for great things and believe they shall come to pass. I think many times other people believe in me more then I believe in myself…I am a work in progress for myself. My prayer and thoughts are that in all that we do, we give honor to Christ the ONE and only in all things.

I am taking some overdue time off from blogging and facebooking  to re charge.  Not sure how long this time off will be. It could be a few days, a few weeks, months, a yr…But please know I shall return. I am Gonna sit back, breath in, meditate on truth, on faith, worship and love. I will  write, create, sing, design, re build and return when I am ready for the next season of this journey and  I look forward in connecting with you great folks all over the globe. For those who read my blogs, thoughts and random left hooks, please continue to leave your comments, your thoughts and prayers. Feel free to take over my page with your thoughts, jokes, random nonsense, encouragement and comments, I will continue to read them from time to time. Lots to do my friends, lot’s of stories to live and tell, lot’s of dreams to build, see you soon.

For The Saturn Project updates, upcoming shows and news continue to visit our web page HERE.

Hasta luego y hasta la victoria siempre…

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For every season that ends in your life, a new one begins. So what’s your story?

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So today I had a different office and wore a different hat. My office was at Borders in Brentwood, and I wore the screenwriters hat. I never intended on being a screenwriter, but with all these stories and ideas I have harvested for so many years, why not give it a shot. The work scene continues to be tough, but I am taking time to dig into my creative writing and storytelling. Been working on some great ideas, we’ll see where they lead. I am looking forward to connecting with others in pursuit of finding that “one” script and cool idea! It’s been a Very productive day so far on the creative ship, I will continue to dig, knock and seek for work. If you hear of any leads, please let me know.

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I read this devotion last night, forgot to post it for you to read. But here it is…this may be for YOU.

There is a rawness and a wonder to life. Pursue it. Hunt for it. Sell out to get it. Don’t listen to the whines of those who have settled for a second-rate life and want you to do the same so they won’t feel guilty. Your goal is not to live long; it’s to live.

Jesus says the options are clear. On one side there is the voice of safety. You can build a fire in the hearth, stay inside, and stay warm and dry and safe…

Or you can hear the voice of adventure–God’s adventure. Instead of building a fire in your hearth, build a fire in your heart. Follow God’s impulses. Adopt a child. Move overseas. Teach the class. Change careers. Run for office. Make a difference. Sure it isn’t safe, but what is? -Max Lucado

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I have experienced true love, cause I know what it’s like to feel hurt. I know what it’s like to be set free, cause I’ve tasted the torture of being captive to my past mistakes and choices. I know what it’s like to be found, cause I know what it feels like to be lost. I know what it’s like to win, cause I have experienced loss in so many different ways. I know what it’s like to be accepted, cause I know what it feels like to be rejected. I know what it’s like to triumph, cause I’ve been devastated many times. I know what it’s like to open doors, cause paying dues eventually pays off…still paying them…I know what it’s like to start fresh and rebuild a life, cause I know what its like to feel destroyed…Life’s journey of character reconstruction…It’s never too late for hope and for love.

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Sometimes I just wanna jump right in and start. Sometimes I just wanna get up and say exactly what is on my mind, then and there. Sometimes I just want to ______________________? Sometimes the best decision is not the one we want to do. Sometimes we need to be patient and wait. Sometimes we need to think our thoughts thru before they exit our mouth. When you know, you’ll know. Trust me. I’ve been experiencing this in such a great way. It seems the more I am patient and sensitive to moments, the more I see from a birds eye view. I know when to act! Then the pieces come together one by one.

-fuser+…”On our way”.