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Took some time, (brief) time, to think, reflect and realize I am recovering…From what? From living a life that wasn’t. From being a person I wasn’t. Wanting something so fake.  It’s easy to fall in the trend of being this superficial god freak. Define “god freak”

Well…It’s having priorities mixed up side down, and everything except what really matters becomes a god. I realized I am flesh and bone and have no super powers what so ever. I realized that there is nothing I can do to convince God I am great. I am great in his eyes no matter what. Grace is amazing! Though I walk with my chest and chin up, inside I am afraid. Afraid of what? Afraid of becoming and afraid of being everything, but what is right… Not being the best husband I can be, not being the role model Father figure I should be,not being a strong front-man and leader, not being a true friend. Walking in shoes that don’t fit me (not literally), lying so much you believe it yourself to be true. Thinking that if I do this, God will do this… Just living straight BS! to get an applause, a reward, another blog review, public status and recognition… Being afraid of failing at the things I am so passionate about. Afraid of losing all hope in the midst of chaos. Afraid of being me and sharing who I am working to be.

You see, I tip my hat to all those who can sit on their chairs with championship belts of being perfect and without stain. I applaud all who have never fumbled the winning pass. I step back in the presence of those who’ve have been “good” their whole lives…I am sorry, but it’s not my story.  I am just a broken dude, trying to live the best life I possibly can, love my amazing wife  with all I’ve got, Love and lead my boys on their journey, and hope God’s reflection is in all that  I do.  All  in hopes that the day I leave this earth, the maker looks at me and says he’s proud of me, and that my wife my kids and their kids can say ” He lived it up and was Faithful”.  This is a breathe of fresh air, this is my journey towards Redemption. This is me. I am not who I should be, I am still not where I wanna be, but I sure as hell ain’t who I used to be…To all those who’ve embraced my flaws, mishaps and scars…thanks for being family and never changing. Thanks for keeping it real. And so the story continues. I feel recharged, I feel inspired, I feel so alive.. BUENO, VAMOS!!!!

“hasta la victoria siempre”…

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For every season that ends in your life, a new one begins. So what’s your story?

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So today I had a different office and wore a different hat. My office was at Borders in Brentwood, and I wore the screenwriters hat. I never intended on being a screenwriter, but with all these stories and ideas I have harvested for so many years, why not give it a shot. The work scene continues to be tough, but I am taking time to dig into my creative writing and storytelling. Been working on some great ideas, we’ll see where they lead. I am looking forward to connecting with others in pursuit of finding that “one” script and cool idea! It’s been a Very productive day so far on the creative ship, I will continue to dig, knock and seek for work. If you hear of any leads, please let me know.

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I read this devotion last night, forgot to post it for you to read. But here it is…this may be for YOU.

There is a rawness and a wonder to life. Pursue it. Hunt for it. Sell out to get it. Don’t listen to the whines of those who have settled for a second-rate life and want you to do the same so they won’t feel guilty. Your goal is not to live long; it’s to live.

Jesus says the options are clear. On one side there is the voice of safety. You can build a fire in the hearth, stay inside, and stay warm and dry and safe…

Or you can hear the voice of adventure–God’s adventure. Instead of building a fire in your hearth, build a fire in your heart. Follow God’s impulses. Adopt a child. Move overseas. Teach the class. Change careers. Run for office. Make a difference. Sure it isn’t safe, but what is? -Max Lucado

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I have experienced true love, cause I know what it’s like to feel hurt. I know what it’s like to be set free, cause I’ve tasted the torture of being captive to my past mistakes and choices. I know what it’s like to be found, cause I know what it feels like to be lost. I know what it’s like to win, cause I have experienced loss in so many different ways. I know what it’s like to be accepted, cause I know what it feels like to be rejected. I know what it’s like to triumph, cause I’ve been devastated many times. I know what it’s like to open doors, cause paying dues eventually pays off…still paying them…I know what it’s like to start fresh and rebuild a life, cause I know what its like to feel destroyed…Life’s journey of character reconstruction…It’s never too late for hope and for love.

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Sometimes I just wanna jump right in and start. Sometimes I just wanna get up and say exactly what is on my mind, then and there. Sometimes I just want to ______________________? Sometimes the best decision is not the one we want to do. Sometimes we need to be patient and wait. Sometimes we need to think our thoughts thru before they exit our mouth. When you know, you’ll know. Trust me. I’ve been experiencing this in such a great way. It seems the more I am patient and sensitive to moments, the more I see from a birds eye view. I know when to act! Then the pieces come together one by one.

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So one of the reasons for being here in Nashville was to work on becoming a better song writer. I’ve never been musically trained. Nor do I have the best formula to write songs. I learned in the hood. From 18th place and Damen in Pilsen to the Southside of Chicago. I wrote down my thoughts, my everyday experiences. I listened and continue to listen to many artists, bands and composers. My greatest musical hero is Ruben Blades. He’s a story teller and puts music to his words. He is brilliant in how he communicates thru the art of music.

I grew up listening to Depeche Mode, U2, the Doors, and many latin artists. One day I decided I’d give it a shot and I would write a song. Whether it was a good song or not, I wrote what I called my first song. I picked up and old guitar figured out how to play it and bam!! There was no stopping me after that. Since then I’ve been writing. Trying to get better, trying to learn better ways to communicate what’s going on in head in beating fast in my heart. I don’t know too many songwriters here in Nashville yet, but I am hoping to eventually collaborate with some artists and hope they will invite me into their world of song writing. I have lots to learn so I have my pencil and notebook ready to write and begin.

HERE is some of the stuff I’ve written. Take a look around, listen and let me know what you think. I’ve got tons and tons of ideas and songs ready to be crafted and produced.  Any song writers out there wanna hang and write? Hit me up on facebook or follow me on twitter and drop me a line.

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As a songwriter, if you can touch people and make them feel a little less alone in the world, then you’ve done your job.
Tom Cochrane

21 days of no meat, no breads and no sweets, no soda nor juice. I chose to give those things up for 21 days. I made it to 20.5 days. I gotta say I’m proud of myself. I’ve never really done anything like this.  Reina and I took on this fast and didn’t know what to expect. It’s crazy how much we make food a comfort drug. It seemed like every food I decided to give up became exaggerated in my mind. A burger seemed twice as big and juicy. Wanted to try and cut as many corners as I could. Reina was tough. She stuck it thru!!!  On days when I was feelin down and out I kept thinking, if I can only have a  a huge steak!!!! Crazy eh? Went to the food first.  I learned alot in these 20.5 days. Alot about myself. My human and spiritual  mind and heart. The thought that I was willing to give it up so many days into the fast, for the pleasure of eating something, that probably wasn’t gonna be good for me to begin with and break my commitment.  I thought we’d never make it, but we did.

The day it ended I had a chicken philly cheese sandwich with a Coke…I gotta tell you. I felt disgusting! LOL. I have no desire for Coke like before, Nor starchy foods. I lost a few pounds and feel great. I am encouraged to stay healthy physically and spiritually. I recommend it!!! Take a challenge. It will show you alot about yourself and put so many things in prospective. And it sets you up for things you’ve been trying to do. Trust me.  I didn’t get a prize at the end, didn’t get a guarantee into the hall of faith, nor the things I’ve been hoping for. Nor an applause, But it did give me a glimpse of the new person I am becoming. Fresh start, fresh approach, fresh vision, and a fresh salmon steak I will have for dinner tonight

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We constantly ask. We constantly want more. We constantly…We constantly… While you sit beside your bed and pray for more…Someone across the ocean is asking to see another day…While we are sitting infront of our TV on our couch, someone down the road hopes tomorrow they’ll sleep under a roof . While some of us complain about our bank accounts, our search for a more successful career, someone in another state hopes to see their child turn 10. We all have needs and wants. We all have emergencies. We all have________________. Sometimes It’s the little things that matter. Sometimes it’s the little things that make us successful. Sometimes it’s the little things that lead to greater things. Sometimes we just have to be grateful for those little things.  In times of trouble I pray to face it with courage. In times of need I pray I can help others. In time of desperation I pray I can surrender all my worries. In times of sufferring I pray I suffer well and give Glory to the creator. In times of abundance and success, I pray that I may be wise and do the right thing… Just  a simple crossroad thought…

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